What to do with the child in bad weather?
This children’s masturbation has always been and remains for parents delicate, difficult and deep. First of all, it is connected with the sexual identity and sexuality of the parents themselves. But everything is in order.
In this article, I propose to consider the following questions:
What is children’s onanism and what are the causes of children’s onanism?
What are the consequences of parents’ erroneous actions for the future life of their child?
How to respond to the situation, so that parents can help their child on their own?
Having read all sorts of literature from medical reference books to reference books on sexology and reflexology, I gave my own, more benign, formulation to the process and topic of this article:
– Children’s onanism is an artificial arousal of the genital organs in the period from 1 year to 10-11 years, i.e. before puberty, to obtain pleasant physiological and mental sensations.
I would like to pay special attention to the fact that such an expression should not be applied to children in general. And that’s why:
First, for children, the body is natural. The child studies him from birth, starting with arms and legs, which fall into his field of vision. He is lying on his back, waving his arms, sucking a fist, or looking at his palm for a long time. Then he is busy legs. When a child begins to sit, crawl and get up, other subjects enter the world of his research, as well as self-awareness of his body expands. This is the face, hair, tummy and navel. Boys can watch them pee. And, of course, they are interested in the subject itself, which “knows how” to write. For girls, this interest comes at an older age – from 3-4 years. This is due to the “hidden” structure of the genitals.
I want to emphasize that here the leading motive is the interest in your body, its study. Such a study itself can last up to 4-5 years.
Secondly, all the sensations that the child receives through the body are directly related to his emotions. When a child studies the world around him or his body, he can listen to inner feelings. Sounds, smells, different tastes, different temperatures, colors, other living things and parents cause a huge range of feelings in a child, a kind of “response” to what is happening. And there is no difference, he burned a finger or accidentally discovered new features of his genitals. All this for the child is an experience. And nothing more. The leading motive is to get new information, experience, to understand their capabilities, makes the child to test his body “for strength”.
Another thing – the reactions of adults to such tests. But by this time I will be back.
Thirdly, if the child more and more often pays attention to its genitals and seeks to get pleasant sensations, then in this case we are talking about the child’s reaction to anxiety. With the same success for emotional discharge, kids suck their fingers, gnaw pencils, tear paper, itch. And the main motive here will be to reach a balanced emotional and physiological state, calm down.
And only in this case, but with a big stretch, we can say that the child is masturbating. Although you understand that this definition is not correct.
Now let’s look at how their parents usually react to such manifestations of children and what this may lead to in the future.
Remember, please, what feelings and emotions visited you when one day you saw that your baby was not busy playing with toys.
As a rule, the first feeling is shame. Then it can be replaced by rejection, resistance, fear. And as a result, the child is immediately forbidden to do it.
Almost everyone has experienced similar bans on himself in his time.
Particularly dangerous are aggressive prohibitions: shouts, beatings on hands and phrases like such “fu, how beautiful it is not!”, “It is impossible to do this!” . All these active attempts to stop the study of the body / experience / complacency lead the child to a feeling of something “wrong”, “bad”. Subsequently, the child identifies himself with this “wrong” and “bad”: “I am bad”, “my body is bad”.
Why it happens? The child’s consciousness works in a slightly different way than that of an adult — he perceives the world around him and himself in a single stream. If, from birth to 4-6 months, mother was everything for the child, then everything, everything and everyone begins to build into his world. In the immediate environment – it’s dad, grandparents, older brothers and sisters, nannies and teachers. He does not share his feelings from the feelings of his loved ones. And the child feels particularly vividly what his parents feel. So all those involved in raising a child fall into the trap of their own internal problems, making mistakes. And when puberty comes, in the subconscious of the adolescent, the basis “my body is bad” will already sit. Further, all feelings that were transferred by the parents during the ban will be superimposed on this basis: shame, aggression, fear, self-acceptance, etc.