How to create a good relationship with a stubborn child. Councils of a famous psychologist.
Stubborn children, according to their parents, are endowed with an unbearable, explosive and harmful character. They love to do everything in defiance, testing the patience of their parents and are able to bring an adult to hysterics and unjustified actions. How to teach a stubborn to follow the rules?
How to create a good relationship with a stubborn child?
According to the famous psychologist Robert Mackenzie, you can find a common language with a stubborn child. For this, you need to develop the right approach to it and follow it without deviation.
When we are confronted with manifestations of a child’s bad manners, we most often blame his parents for this, believing that he is pampered, allowed liberties and does not try to re-educate. And the parents of such a baby themselves, blame themselves for not being able to find the right approach to the child.
Psychologist Mackenzie himself was in a quandary when his second child was born. At that time, he was already a successful specialist in the field of parenting and believed that he would successfully cope with the second child, because he already had a positive experience with the first child.
But the second child turned out to be a big stubborn man, who was not acted upon by any exhortations. He put his parents out of himself, because no pleas, agreements and requests did not act, as it was with the older boy.
The famous psychologist Mackenzie realized that his knowledge would not help in raising a younger son, and he took the advice of other specialists and based on them, created a set of rules for parents of stubborn kids.
– Features of temperament.
According to Mackenzie, stubbornness is associated with the characteristics of temperament. And most of all, stubbornness is an innate style of behavior. Childish stubbornness manifests itself since birth, because children are endowed with such features as lack of control or poor handling. Such children behave in their own way, regardless of what features their parents are endowed with. Learning a stubborn child takes place difficult and long.
An obstinate child resists the usual methods of education. And it is very difficult when the temperament of the parents and the child is different. If parents are endowed with a docile temper, willingly make contact, then it is difficult for them to communicate with a child of the opposite temperament. They do not understand each other and are more distant. Each of them seeks to overcome the other by all methods, but nothing works.
– Find another method of education.
Raising a stubborn child, you can not use the following styles of education:
– punitive or authoritarian (firm but not respectful). Parents use intimidation, intimidation and threats. Usually, the obedient baby begins to cooperate, because of fear. The stubborn people declare a boycott and respond to evil with evil.
– permissive (respectful, but not strict). It operates according to the principle: freedom, equality and mutual respect. But it has no hard boundaries. In this case, the parents count on understanding, but the child controls the parents and refuses to obey. Anarchy occurs in communication.
– mixed (not solid and not respectful). This method is characterized by inconsistency, because it is endowed with the worst features of the first two styles. Parents go from one extreme to another.
With obstinate children it is necessary to use democratic approaches, respectful, but firm! It is based on the fact that the child is capable of independent problem solving. He must have a choice on which to learn. A child can get a certain power and control, corresponding to his ability to be responsible.
– The presence of rigid boundaries.
If the parent once said “No” in this question, then there should be no other opinion. The child will understand that you are tough on this issue, and will not test you for strength. He will understand that other options are not expected and obedience should be unconditional.
– Clear expression of your thoughts.
If the mother says: “stop jumping, otherwise I will be angry”, then the child understands that she is still angry and will become even angry. It does not work, and he will continue the job. More acceptable would be the words: “Stop jumping from a slide, otherwise you will go home.” It is necessary to speak extremely clearly, firmly and in a respectful manner.
* Watch your tone, because of the expressed anger, exclamations and other emotions, the child will not understand the essence of what was said. He will understand that the parent has lost control and will continue to experience your psyche.
* It is better to make instructions to the child in an everyday but firm tone. So you show that you control situations, are confident in yourself and in your words. And remind him that if you disobey, it is not a punishment that awaits him, but a different situation. So you give a choice.
* Do not allow a quarrel or “trade”. The debate and discussion of the situation, give rise to the stubborn to think that your rules can be revised or canceled.
* Give a limited choice: “You can stop shouting and making noise or spend 10 minutes in your room.”
* When anger and quarrel arose, you must offer the child to pause and cool down.