Causes of senseless lies in children
Children can be deceived when they are afraid that they will be scolded, or when they want to get something. But there is another kind of lie – “just like that.” Not that the parents, even the child himself can not then understand why he said “no”, when in fact he wanted – “yes.”
It took off
A lie of this kind seems completely harmless: it has no intent, a clear benefit, and, therefore, does not reinforce the habit of telling a lie in children’s behavior. But often it is she who worries parents most of all, and precisely because of her senselessness. When a child lies, as they say, in the case, we can understand it, discuss it with each other and decide what to do with such a problem: “No wonder the son is deceiving you: you look so sternly that he is simply afraid to say it as it is” .
When there is no clear motive for lying, we cannot trace the causal relationships. And you have to think that impulsive lies are a feature of character. Someone laughs all the time, someone likes to be alone, someone is too anxious, but some like to lie.
However, there are very few parents who will react calmly to such a line of character of their own child. Besides, how to know that this innocent lie is all and limited? After all, the qualities of character with time can increase, become brighter, and it is almost impossible to predict. So most parents would happily unlearn a child from the habit of telling a lie – just for general calm and confidence.
The desire to tell a lie — albeit on small things, without malicious intent — is considered a negative quality. Parents are well aware of what problems in communication such a habit can lead to later in adulthood, and therefore they are trying to wean the child to lie as soon as possible.
Lie for the sake of emotions
When a child finds out that you can tell a lie, he is literally shocked. After all, he thought that adults see and know everything that happens to him, everything he does, and this turns out to be wrong! And he can do something in such a way that no one will see! True, at the age of two years, when this secret is revealed, there is no great need for secrecy of actions. But what a space for games with adults!
“Have you eaten everything?” Mom asks. “Yes, everything!” The child happily answers and after a moment shows a full plate of porridge. “Where is the toy?” The father is interested. “Fell out of the window” – he pulls out laughing machine from his pocket. Adults are initially willingly included in the game: “I thought up great!”, “Little dodger,” “are your fantasies again?”. The trick at this age is perceived as a step in development (and it is so!), As a way of knowing the world and communication.
An adult who has deceived you for the sake of a joke can demonstrate his resentment, a child does not. You can not inspire him feelings of guilt and fear! He himself will feel that such a lie is inappropriate, and in time he will learn to joke more subtly.
As the child’s independence grows, our reaction to his “jokes” changes. This may be not only joy, but confusion and even fright (if a five-year-old says that the toy fell through the window, it is quite possible that he himself opened it). But some kids like it too. If in the family and adults do the same from time to time, he begins to consider a lie as such a norm.
“On the eve of the leave, the husband comes and says:“ Sorry, I’ll have to postpone everything, I can’t leave the business. I burst into tears: I planned this trip so long ago! – says Marina, mother of Yaroslav. “At first, he reassured me, and then he took out the plane tickets and admitted that he had deceived me. He himself about such antics (and they are not uncommon) says that these are jokes. But they do not seem to me fun! And the son begins to behave in the same way: “The cat jumped on me and scratched, look, my whole hand is in the blood.” Of course, in a few seconds I realized that it was just paint, but what did these seconds cost me! ”
This behavior is corrected in adults and children alike. Instead of the reaction “what a happiness, that everything is good, otherwise I was already scared,” it is worthwhile to tell in detail exactly what you experienced during those moments while you believed the deception.
Lies as a way to communicate with others
“Once we drove with our daughter on the train. In the compartment with us was a very sociable old woman. I had to prepare a report on the work, and I asked Nastya not to distract me. My daughter began to draw, her neighbor helped her, and together they had a nice conversation. Nastya told us that we were going to visit her grandmother because she was sick, that the other grandmother was living with us, that we had a big dog and that mom (that is, I) could not tolerate apple pies. It was difficult for me to concentrate on the report: I involuntarily listened to the conversation. Everything, right up to the pies, was not true. When the neighbor came out, I asked why she tells all kinds of fictions. “Mom, we don’t know her!” She replied. Elena, Nastya’s mother
Lying “for others” is a stage in the development of social thinking. A child does not just divide people around into “his” and “strangers”, but rather well feels the peculiarities of communication with different groups of people. Basically at the age of five or six